A shadow on me

Ok, so I started this monotonous thing last night, but it turned out being so long that I couldn't finish it, so bear with me if it's a little confusing on the date and time and all that, but I'll try to make it clear when I wrote what...

(Written Tuesday)
I dunno if I'll have time to finish this entire post tonight, especially since it's already past 12 and I'm also talking on AIM, so I'll get even less written, but that's definitely ok. I had a semi-eventful day beginning with the creation of this online journal/blog thing (whatever you want to call it as long as you don't use the word diary...), and I did actually get 5 of my 1st-4th camper letters done (which is far less than I should have been able to do with my free time, but I ended up wasting close to two hours trying to get that dumb picture of my ugly mug up on the blog profile; I guess I'm not as cyberspace savvy as I thought I was...), and I went to Full Court and RUF after missing both last Tuesday. I guess since I didn't post a week ago, all are entitled to an explanation as to why I would miss two such worthy activities: As it turns out, those of you who have been keeping up with me know that I had C0-op Interview day last Wednesday, so I had three interviews with prospective engineering employers for next semester. The best case scenario is that I'll be somewhere besides Tuscaloosa next semester working in a co-op position, gaining some much needed experience and hopefully not screwing anything up too horribly, although if I am back at school taking classes next semester instead, I will be content=). On top of those three interviews, I had two tests in my Thermodynamics and Discrete Math classes respectively, so studying for those basically wiped out my Tuesday. So that, my friends, is why I missed Full Court and RUF last week, so I hope you will all forgive me. But anyways, back to my afternoon... Full Court is the local ministry that I have gotten involved with this semester, and the gist of it is this: Calvary Baptist takes a group of college Christians out to one of the local gyms, which is located in the "ghetto" part of Tuscaloosa, to share the Gospel and play basketball and other games with some of the local Junior High-High School kids that have not been given many opportunities to hear teaching from the Bible. Needless to say, it's been a pretty cool experience for me because I have been able to continue sharing God's Word in a setting much like the one I worked in this summer, and I have been blessed yet again for God to use me to spread His good news through Full Court. Today we talked with the kids about how we are lost in our sin and yet God continues to be the loving Father who forgives us and receives us with open arms much like the father in the story of the prodigal son. Sometimes I am really excited by the responses I get from the guys during my small group time, but today, even though my guys listened really well, I was reminded of their need to hear from the Gospel because they were having a hard time answering what I considered to be Sunday School questions, and it wasn't for lack of trying on their part; they just didn't know and it made my heart go out to them because at least a couple of them really seemed to have a desire to understand; I can only hope that they will continue to show up with an intrigued desire to learn more about the awesome grace and love of the Father. After our small group time, I played dodgeball for what seemed like 45 minutes with one of the boys, Tyrone, and he totally wore me out; he had a lot easier time hitting me with the ball than I did him=) I was extremely relieved when 5 rolled around so that I wouldn't get heat exhaustion or something... I'm really not sure what I did once I got back to the dorm, although I know I did get some letters done before RUF...

(And it's Wednesday...)
Ok, it's rant time (YAY, my favorite time! just ahead of sleep time..), and first of all, I want to apologize for being a hypocrite. You see, last night at RUF, we had a guest speaker, John Stone, the campus minister from UT-Knoxville (it's ok, he said he didn't really care about Tennessee or Alabama football..) and (our campus minister) Marshall's boss, and he spoke on a topic that has intrigued me for a long time: Repentance and Christian Hypocrisy. The main thing he said right away that really struck home was that "we were immediately going to think of someone else who needed to hear this sermon about Repentance, but no, this sermon was for us". Our initial response to a rebuke, whether we're Christian or not, is to blame someone else or think of someone else who needs to hear it more than we do. See, that's where I'm wrong and that's where a lot of people are wrong because we should be so much more worried about our own sin before we begin to judge others. It is so easy for me to see when other Christians are being hypocritical and to condemn them for it, and as true as it may be that they are, my own sin is still worse and should be foremost on my mind. I get so caught up in judging other Christians making atheists out of others because of the way that they live that I overlook my own hypocrisy all together. I can't do anything to make other people more Christ-like so I should be focusing on my own sin and constantly laying my faults before Christ in humble repentance. I should be so humbled by my own depravity that the words "I'm sorry" should be on my tongue at all times and not just when it pertains to God but to my relationships with others as well. Stone was saying that he could easily go in-depth into examining and analyzing his wife's faults, but that the attitude that he (or anyone else with a significant other or any type of relationship with anyone) needed to have was being able to say "I'm sorry I exist. And I am wrong". Repentance isn't something you do once and then you're righteous forever-after, it is a continual process because we're perpetually sinning (and Christians are most definitely not exempt) and although we are becoming (look it up, it doesn't mean a reached state) like Christ, we will never be perfect while on this earth or during this modern vapor that we know as life. If we have all the characteristics of the Christian life, yet we don't have a repentant heart, we don't know what it means to be a Christian. This is difficult for me to grasp even now; I know I am not nearly humbled and saddened often enough by my sin. Stone was right, I do see repentance as abnormal because I tend to think that there is something wrong with my Christian life if I have to continually repent, but to God, a repentant heart is normal because He knows we aren't capable of righteousness on our own. So why do we try to mask our sin? Why do I always try to blame the negative things on someone or something else? If repentance is a normal thing, why are we so afraid of it? Are we afraid God is going to love us any less because of what we have done wrong? On the contrary, God already knows when we have done wrong, and trying to hide our sin is only going to make things worse because denial brings guilt, but repentance brings relief in knowing that we are forgiven. Here is only one example of where God sees the wisdom of the world to be foolishness, for what comfort is found in guilt? Would I rather have the wisdom of the world or the wisdom of God? Alright, I'm done with the rant, I'll leave myself with that question and try to answer it on a day to day basis...

Alright, so here comes the part of my post where I try to remember something funny that happened yesterday to wrap it all up. Luckily, I don't havta think very hard because I got a good deal of amusement out of a certain event that occured last night after playing a few "minutes" of Halo with Evan, Hayley, and Brandon... Evan (my roommate for those of you who don't know, there you go Evan, there's your shameless plug..) came out on the losing side of a balancing contest he was having with his chair while he was talking to Hayley and (unfortunately I had my back turned or I would have better play-by-play) and he fell backwards onto the floor and the supports of the chair snapped. It was highly entertaining to say the least=D Anyways, well, I'm done with this post, I apologize for the length... Later

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."
Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?
--1 Corinthians 1:18-20