"learn to do good;
seek justice,
correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless,
plead the widow's cause."
-Isaiah 1:17
-Romans 8:15-17
So it's National Adoption Month, which means I have been inundated with gentle reminders of how long overdue I am in providing an update on our adoption. I would blame it on 2020, but then I'm not sure who/what to blame for 2018 and 2019. Last time I checked in, we were still awaiting the birth of our firstborn, and he didn't even have a name yet! And now Gideon is almost three, and we even have another addition to the family. Our beautiful daughter Miria is three months old this week. These two are wonderful, and Caitlin and I are so blessed by them. The lack of sleep this last three months has been really sanctifying too! It's made much of 2020 seem like a dream, which has been a blessing in and of itself.
I should probably start a dedicated blog to chronicle Gideon's misadventures, but that's a task for another day. Many of those are preserved in the nightly lore of Mr. Quackers and Little Al anyway. But as Gideon has been consistently learning these days, not everything is about him. So let's get on with the adoption update.
When I last left you back in 2017, we hadn't gotten much news from the Bulgarian MOJ (Ministry of Justice) on our place on their adoption referral list. In April 2018, we got our first update that we were #716 on the list, which meant it would likely be another 2 years before we received a referral. This was disappointing news because we had already been on the list for 2 years, but it was encouraging to receive an update. We also had a newborn, so we were excited to have some time to welcome him into our family. Our agency does have a pregnancy policy to ensure that children do not arrive into the family within a year of each other, so we knew we wouldn't be able to complete an adoption until 2019 at the earliest.
We also made a couple other changes to our paperwork during our home study update in 2018. The first involved changing the age range of our adopted child to be younger than Gideon. This was something that our social worker strongly recommended to preserve the birth order in our family since it can be extremely confusing for a firstborn child to have an older child placed in their home. The second change was partly inadvertent due to some conflicts in our paperwork, but our referral preferences were changed from two children to one child. After some further discussion with our social worker, we decided to leave it this way since bringing two children home becomes a lot more complicated with one child already in the home. At the same time, this change did not preclude us from being matched with two children, and we were starting to understand that God's plans for our adoption journey were slightly different than our own, so we decided to embrace the next detour(s) He might have planned for us.
About a year after our first MOJ referral list update, we learned that we had moved up to #438 as of January 2019. We were excited to see movement, and hopeful that we might even receive a referral in 2020. And then on New Year's Eve, we found out that Caitlin was pregnant with Miracle Child #2. Of course we were super excited, and I was a little more mentally prepared for this news than the first time around! Looking back on it now, we probably thought that was the craziest thing that would happen in 2020. Caitlin and I were pretty convinced that we weren't getting a referral anytime soon anyway, so we decided to wait a couple months before we notified our agency of the pregnancy. But what would 2020 be without some drama in every facet of life?
The first week of March 2020, Caitlin got an unexpected call from our adoption agency. We had received a referral! The MOJ in Bulgaria had matched us with a 22 month old boy, which was only a few months younger than Gideon. However, Caitlin then notified the agency that she was three months pregnant, and the aforementioned pregnancy policy came into play. This policy is in place to ensure that the family is given the time necessary to attach to each child, especially since any adopted child will have significant mental, physical, and emotional needs that call for close attention and care as bonding and attachment begin. As a result, we were required to put our adoption on hold for several months, which meant that we had to officially turn down the referral. Talk about a whirlwind of emotion! It's a strange thing to reflect upon, knowing that boy could have been our son if a few circumstances had been different. I can't help but wonder where he was placed instead, but I pray that he found a loving forever family. It's also easy to see God's providence throughout the circumstances. Based on everything that has occurred with COVID-19 since March, it's unlikely that we would have been to travel to Bulgaria this year at all, which probably would have been more discouraging than putting the adoption on hold temporarily.
So where does that leave us now? Our adoption is still on hold for a few more months, but we were told that we wouldn't lose our place on the referral list, so there's a chance that we could receive another referral as soon as next year. But I haven't had a whole lot of luck with my predictions so far, so it's probably more likely there will be another abrupt right turn on our journey.
So have we reconsidered adopting now that we have two children at home and after everything we've been through? Honestly, we haven't seriously considered walking away. We believe that we have been called to adopt, and by God's grace, this journey of growing our family has only served to confirm that calling. What do I mean by that? Well, if we had had two biological children on our own timeline, we wouldn't have started the adoption process as soon as we did, and it's very possible that we would have been too comfortable with our family and our life to ever seriously pursue adoption.
But as Christians, we aren't called to a comfortable or an easy life, we are called to deny ourselves and follow Christ (Matt. 16:24-26). Following Him looks like following His example. Christ laid aside his crown to suffer and die as a man in order to redeem his people from slavery under the law, to make us heirs of the Father (Gal. 4:1-7). Our heirship is not based on anything we've done, it's a free gift of grace that we receive because of Christ, and we have been raised up with Him (Eph. 2:4-9). That's the gospel in a nutshell.
We had a guest pastor, Todd Froman, speak about adoption at our church this last Sunday. He said that adoption is a tangible way to show what God does through the gospel. He's right, and that's a big part of the reason that we decided to adopt in the first place. We know that adoption will not be easy, and that it will probably come with steep physical, mental, and emotional costs. We know there will be people who won't understand why we've chosen this journey, and we may even lose friends over it. But as Todd said on Sunday, the call to adoption is a call to follow the Shepherd. So when we're in the thick of it, be sure to remind us of that!
We also know there will be great joy that will come from adoption. A fatherless child will finally be united with a father and a mother and a brother and a sister that loves them, and that will be a joyful moment! There will be some battles, but there will be victories and there will be beauty as bonding takes place. We are looking forward to the adventures as we introduce another child to the wonders of Colorado.
So you may be wondering how you can support us. For those of you who have been supporting us via prayer or monetary gifts, know that we are deeply grateful for you! We have been blessed to be able to raise the funds we need for the adoption, so we don't need any money. But we will gladly take your prayers. There's a good chance that our child (Miracle Child #3, aka MC3) is already alive, either inside or outside the womb, so please pray for his/her health and wellbeing. Pray that MC3 will experience love and care, and that his/her heart will be prepared to join and bond with our family as their own. Pray for Gideon and Miria that they will welcome their new sibling with open arms. Pray for Caitlin and myself that our hearts and minds would be prepared to love and nurture MC3, and that we would accept whatever God has planned for us next with grace and thanksgiving.
And lastly, pray about how God has called you to bring justice to the fatherless, correct oppression, and plead the widow's cause (Isaiah 1:7)! Not everyone is called to adopt, but there are many other practical and meaningful ways that you can support and love those who cannot advocate for themselves. God advocates for the poor, the sick, and the oppressed, and He calls us to do the same (Matt. 25:31-40).
